“Nearly one in four single Americans who are looking for a romantic partner – or about 16 million people – use the 1,000 or more dating Web sites out there. That includes almost one in five Americans in their 20s, and one in ten in their 30s and 40s.”
– Mark Penn in his book Microtrends.

The era of social media has arrived. New technologies are rapidly bringing a fundamental shift in the way we communicate, interact, and live. The Internet has been embraced as a route for people to meet and build relationships with other people who live around the block, as well as those who live around the world.

A popular online relationship service, eHarmony.com, now boasts 20 million registered members with 10,000 to 15,000 new members daily. One of every eight couples that married last year met online.

Meeting people online offers many advantages: a larger pool of people than one might meet at work, through friends or social circles; a less stressful arena to initiate conversation (especially for those who are shy); privacy and safety; and control over the pace at which a relationship proceeds.
This new platform also offers new challenges – among them, deciphering “the rules.”

As in all relationship situations, treating others with kindness and respect is of utmost concern; how we do so reflects on our personal character and integrity. Following are some etiquette tips and guidelines to assist you in the world of cyber-dating.

•  Register with sites that are geared towards your interests, vision or goals. Research several top sites to determine which may offer an approach for profiles and questions that appeals to you.

•  When setting up your profile, be honest about yourself. Resist embellishing or exaggerating details; truthfully share your age, what you look like, your interests, talents, dreams, likes and dislikes, successes and failures. Use a current, flattering, clear photo of yourself.

•  Respond in a timely manner (3 – 4 days maximum) to all inquiries. Always be courteous, positive and upbeat in your e-mails.

•  Comment on what you liked about someone’s profile and e-mails. Should you receive more e-mails than you can handle quickly, freeze your account until you can reply. Write e-mails to get to know others; ask light questions to determine if you share enough common interests to pursue a relationship. Until you are engaged in a serious dating relationship, it is appropriate to correspond with more than one person at a time.

•  When you are no longer interested in conversing with someone, tell him or her directly and politely. Briefly express appreciation for the opportunity to get to know the person, stating that you feel that you are not compatible and wishing him or her good luck.

•  Expect fewer responses than you send out (perhaps one for every three to five). When someone does not respond, or stops answering your e-mails, do not take it as a personal rejection; he or she simply does not feel you are their match. It is time to move on.

•  If you feel at all uncomfortable with someone’s e-mail, don’t hesitate to cease contact with him or her. You may ignore the e-mail, block it or delete it. Should you ever receive any photos or e-mail language that you find disturbing or abusive, report it to the Web site to assist them in keeping their site clean. All of your personal details should be kept private! Do not release your last name, address, place of employment or personal e-mail address. Phone numbers should be exchanged only after several successful “online dates,” when you are ready to move to telephone conversations.

•  Proceed slowly and cautiously. Before setting up a meeting/date, ask for a second photo and his/her last name. A Google search may or may not be productive, but is worth trying. Pay attention to any inconsistencies in someone’s stories. Get to know each other before your first meeting.

•  A first meeting should take place in the daytime in a public place (not a regular location for you). Arrive by your own transportation with a cell phone. Arrange for a friend to have the details of your meeting (date’s name, phone number, place and time of meeting) and to call you during the meeting time. Stay sharp; refrain from drinking alcohol. Leave by your own transportation.

Online dating is not a fad. Seventeen percent of online daters have turned online dates into long-term relationships or marriages. For those who are transient, too busy or shy to socialize, or who live in isolated communities, Internet dating offers a new, exciting alternative for meeting potential partners. Proceed with caution, patience, honesty and courtesy knowing that any good relationship takes time.

Sharon Carlton, High Country Courtesies ©2010
Sharon Carlton conducts High Country Courtesies customer service workshops and is Director of High Country Cotillion, a social education program for youth. She writes and speaks on modern etiquette and life skill topics. Contact her at sacarlton@skybest.com.