They didn't have you where I come from
Never knew the best was yet to come
Life began when I saw your face
And I hear your laugh like a serenade

As you wander through this troubled world
In search of all things beautiful
You can close your eyes and you're miles away
And hear my voice like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved?
Is forever enough, is forever enough?
How long do you want to be loved?
Is forever enough cause I'm never, never giving you up
-- Excerpted from “Lullaby” by The Dixie Chicks

When my husband and I were first married, friends from college made us a book filled with quotes of inspiration regarding both friendship and relationships. Along with other friends, they recapped a variety of stories about when they first met us – individually and when we became a couple. When I read this, I can't help but think about how completely different life is together twenty-some years later, not just because of being older, having three kids, and a busy life, but because of how we have grown as a couple. Through time and turmoil, love and grace, we have moved beyond the college recollections of crazy party moments and built a relationship that is grounded in knowing each other in all our weaknesses and strengths.

My Gramma Bates used to say that marriage takes 110 percent to work. She and my grandfather were married nearly 60 years, and I have fond memories of them sharing sweet kisses and dances around the kitchen until my grandmother's passing. He continues to call her the “love of my life.”

I remember how I felt when I first met my husband. Completely head over heels, as if a few hours apart were incomprehensible and that, despite my focus on school, there were few other priorities in my life than our relationship. We had other good friends, but we were inseparable. We enjoyed good music together, long conversations, and the outdoors, and he was there at the onset of my discovery of my passion for midwifery.

Marrying a midwife is certainly not an easy reality, but he has stuck with me as I have pursued a career that necessarily means long hours away, sleep deprivation, and sometimes extended hours with children moving into and out of phases pushing parental buttons. Like any couple, we have our stress, but we work very hard to communicate and work through.

It strikes me that as you move through a long relationship with someone, you become increasingly aware of who that person is, how they think, when to give them (or yourself) space, and when to move in closer. Sometimes I think the hardest thing to do is back off, even when there is a driving force inside to fix a conversation or situation or when your own stubbornness makes you want to dig into your position. In the same way that we pick our battles with our kids, oftentimes it seems necessary to do the same with our spouses. Time is a blessing and a curse, in that the perspective we gain from encountering similar conflicts can either propel us forward with insight or hold us back with resentment. And yet, if we keep in mind what each of us wants – to love and be loved, to speak and be heard, to reach out and have someone be there waiting to pull us up – then we hopefully will continue to move forward toward forever loving. But, as my grandmother said, it does take 110 percent!

If you have comments or questions about this article, please feel free to contact Heather Jordan, Certified Nurse-Midwife, at the office of Charles E. Baker, MD at 828-737-7711 x253 or e-mail her at landh@localnet.com.